Archbishop Wins Record Casino Jackpot, Zimbabwean Casinos Issue Nationwide Ban


In a startling twist of divine intervention, renowned Archbishop Emmanuel Mutumwa, a man who alleges divine powers for his tremendous victorious streak at casinos, has found himself abruptly barred from Zimbabwe’s gaming properties. This ruling follows Mutumwa’s remarkable collection of a $30,000 jackpot at one establishment, a payout that has made ripples across the country’s vibrant gaming scene.

Mutumwa, protagonist of this supernatural fable, was in the midst of his jubilant post-win celebration when the unexpected ban was levied upon him. According to statements obtained from the Archbishop himself, the plain fear of bankruptcy underlies this unjust prohibition.

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“They maintain, since I am a prophet, visions of winning numbers are revealed to me by God. They are gripped with the anticipation that their coffers will drain rapidly should my victories persist,” said an indignant Mutumwa.

In a candid interview with B-Metro, a prominent Zimbabwean news outlet, Mutumwa slammed this ban as “utterly rapacious and unprincipled,” sharply criticizing the casino establishments. “These entities should comprehend that fair play consistent with the house rules offers no reason for expulsion. I stand innocent. I enjoyed a game, was lauded for my triumph, and I am taken aback that other local casinos have followed suit in this ban. It shakes me to witness the avaricious tendencies of these casinos, seemingly out to suck people’s money while dodging payouts,” he lamented.

This unprecedented ban has expanded its territorial reach, and casinos in other towns have also begun to deny entrance to Mutumwa.

Cheered by his record-breaking $30,000 win, Mutumwa states that he busted the previous record almost twofold, claiming the largest jackpot the establishment had ever witnessed. Downplaying personal accolades, even of this magnitude, Mutumwa insists, “The glory belongs to God who guided me through this journey.”

He remembers fondly, “I sought spiritual guidance and through a vision was I blessed with the winning numbers. To turn these winnings into blessings, an extension to my devoted congregation, isn’t that a joy of its own?”

The jackpot proved a boon to charity, supporting school fees, disbursing funds for entrepreneurial ambitions of church members, and assisting with rent payments for families in need.

“As a prophet, the winning number was a divine revelation. It wasn’t merely luck, but a heavenly communication. I grasped this as a chance to radiate these blessings among my faithful,” Mutumwa continued to emphasize.

As the spiritual guide for the Johanne Masowe eChishanu Apostolic Sect in Zimbabwe, Mutumwa swiftly reversed the traditional prosperity narrative. However, an anonymous manager of a local casino defended the ban, reiterating, “Frequently, gaming establishments impose restrictions or even shut down accounts of consistently successful individuals. Seems unjust, but it’s within the legal boundary. There’s nothing illegitimate and it’s etched in our terms and conditions.”

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Melinda Cochrane is a poet, teacher and fiction author. She is also the editor and publisher of The Inspired Heart, a collection of international writers. Melinda also runs a publishing company, Melinda Cochrane International books for aspiring writers, based out Montreal, Quebec. Her publication credits include: The art of poetic inquiry, (Backalong Books), a novella, Desperate Freedom, (Brian Wrixon Books Canada), and 2 collections of poetry; The Man Who Stole Father’s Boat, (Backalong Books), and She’s an Island Poet, Desperate Freedom was on the bestseller's list for one week, and The Man Who Stole Father’s Boat is one of hope and encouragement for all those living in the social welfare system. She’s been published in online magazines such as, (regular writer for) ‘Life as a Human’, and Shannon Grissom’s magazine.